July 28, 1588: The Spanish Armada sets sail to overthrow England’s Queen Elizabeth I. We know the outcome of the subsequent battle, but for a moment just imagine what might have been if Spain had prevailed:
The United States would be a Hispanic country, and the rabid nativists among us would be calling for the construction of a wall along our nation’s northern border to prevent illegal English-speaking Canadian immigrants from sneaking into America and stealing our jobs. Naturally, ignoring the obvious career benefits that follow from being bilingual in a global economy, the always-enlightened Arkansas legislature would enact a law making Arkansas a “Spanish First” state, and so foreign language classes, including English, would no longer be required for graduation from high school, acceptance into state universities, or obtaining an Arkansas Academic Challenge Scholarship.
I know – my imagination has run far too rampant, and it is impossible to believe that such chauvinistic and intellectually retarded events could actually transpire in our cosmopolitan and multicultural Republic. Nonetheless, it’s a good thing the British won – right?