A VALENTINE’S DAY POEM FOR WOMEN
“Time Does Not Bring Relief: You All Have Lied,” by Edna St. Vincent Millay
Time does not bring relief; you all have lied
Who told me time would ease me of my pain!
I miss him in the weeping of the rain;
I want him at the shrinking of the tide;
The old snows melt from every mountain-side,
And last year’s leaves are smoke in every lane;
But last year’s bitter loving must remain
Heaped on my heart, and my old thoughts abide.
There are a hundred places where I fear
To go,—so with his memory they brim.
And entering with relief some quiet place
Where never fell his foot or shone his face
I say, “There is no memory of him here!”
And so stand stricken, so remembering him.
A VALENTINE’S DAY POEM FOR MEN
“The Consolations of Sociobiology,” by Bill Knott
Those scars rooted me. Stigmata stalagmite
I sat at a drive-in and watched the stars
Through a straw while the Coke in my lap went
Waterier and waterier. For days on end or
Nights no end I crawled on all fours or in
My case no fours to worship you: Amoeba Behemoth.
—Then you explained your DNA calls for
Meaner genes than mine and since you are merely
So to speak its external expression etcet
Ergo among your lovers I’ll never be …
Ah that movie was so faraway the stars melting
Made my thighs icy. I see: it’s not you
Who is not requiting me, it’s something in you
Over which you have no say says no to me.
SOME QUOTES APPROPRIATE FOR VALENTINE’S DAY
“Marriage is a wonderful invention. But then again, so is the bicycle repair kit.” – Billy Connolly
“Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.” – Matt Groening
“A lot of people wonder how you know if you’re really in love. Just ask yourself this one question: ‘Would I mind being financially destroyed by this person?’” – Ronnie Shakes
“The only difference between the women I’ve dated and Charles Manson is that Manson has the decency to look like a nut case when you first meet him.” – Richard Jeni
“If a man tells you he likes to go for long walks, it means he doesn’t own a car. If he says he enjoys romantic dinners at home, it means he’s broke.” – Paula Bell
“A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.” – Lana Turner
“We fall in love when our imagination projects nonexistent perfection upon another person. One day, the fantasy evaporates and with it, love dies.” – Jose Ortega y Gasset
LET US NOW PRAISE A VALENTINE’S DAY HERO: RUSTY CLUTTERBUCK
A VALENTINE’S DAY BALLAD