Fungus to Fortune: Thoughts in a Rainy Season

After days of near-constant rain, everything in the world seems covered with mold and mildew, but rather than complain, I am going to approach the mess as an opportunity to exhibit some entrepreneurial ingenuity. I intend to scrape the stuff off my floors and walls, mix it with some cheap tea, bottle it, give it a snappy name – “Modewcha” – and sell it in health food stores. Deranged hippies and narcissistic yuppies will adore it, especially after I label it organic, advertise its antioxidant virtues, boast of its lactose- and gluten-free character, hint obliquely at its psychotropic potential, and spike it with 4% alcohol.

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