Dear Extraterrestrials: Come on down! You’ll meet new friends, and there’s plenty of free parking.

I suppose that it isn’t entirely fair to mock California for being the home of so many zany groups and bizarre individuals, since, in truth, the Golden State performs a useful service by acting as an asylum for a significant number of seriously deluded inmates who would otherwise purvey their dubious wares in parts of America where sanity is at least the purported norm. I am pondering this matter today, because of two recent events in California, about which it is my distinct pleasure to report.

As I write, the Unarius Academy of Science is celebrating its 28th “Conclave of Life” festival just outside San Diego. If you want to know the genesis and general philosophy of this group, you can read the chapter “Welcome, Space Brothers” in Alex Heard’s witty, informative, and disturbing book “Apocalpyse Pretty Soon: Travels in End-Time America.” Or, if you are pressed for time, you can study the photograph below, which pretty much tells the story.

Yes, they are serious.

Meanwhile, in San Francisco, “UFO Phil” (Phil Hill) has announced plans to build “The Great Pyramid of Alcatraz,” a structure modeled on Egypt’s Great Pyramid of Giza. Phil claims to have received “secret blueprints and schematics” from space aliens that will allow him to use the pyramid both to beam free energy to the world and to provide fuel and a landing site for visiting UFOs.

Yes, he is serious.

And yet, there are actually people who wonder why flying saucers don’t land on Earth.

Yes, they are serious.

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