In The Beginning . . .

23 October 4004 B.C.E. – The creation of the world begins, according to Archbishop James Ussher. Since his dating of this event is scripture-based, it must be regarded as infallible, and I therefore suggest that we immediately dispense with the nonsense of science, sense, and reason and embrace Biblical literalism.

To help strengthen everyone’s faith in this matter, I have posted below a photograph taken in the museum of The Institute for Creation Research, which shows a facsimile of Noah’s ark. In it, the dorsal fins and tail spikes of a Stegosaurus rise above the edge of a stall, because dinosaurs and human beings were contemporaries and so Noah must have taken two of these creatures aboard his floating zoo. You can be sure that the Institute has its facts straight, because it is located in Dallas, one of the holiest places in America, along with Salt Lake City and Branson.

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